Exposition: A young girl is surrounded by everything she could ever want. Her name is Lucy Leigh. Although she has toys, clothes, and nannies, she can always get the attention of her parents. At this point, young Lucy is liveing the life of luxery.
Inciting Incident: Flash forwards 10 years and Lucy has grown up to be a pretty, poular, and bratty teenager and she loves every minute of it. Complete with lots of friends, Lucy is having her sweet sixteen party until just before the cutting of the cake a swat team of men in black suits come in and force the party over arresting Lucy.
Rising Action: Sitting in the back of a van handcuffed and scared she starts yelling at the men in black forcing them to let her go because she was the daughter of world wide banker Lance Leigh, but the men only laugh at her. Hours go by and she still doesn't know where she is. She can hear men yelling in a back room and a scream that she believes might be from her mother.
Climax: After hours sitting in a dark empty room, Lucy's mother comes in crying. She tells Lucy that her father who they thought was a good hearted banker actually turned out to be the ring leader of a group seling illegal weapons in the black market. Her father was killed when a deal went wrong and her gave up his life so his family can live.
Falling Action: Lucy and her mother return to their home to only find it burned down. All of their possesions were now gone and none of there friends and family want anything to do with them anymore. Forced from home, Lucy and her mother have to live in a trailer down by the river. With her mother working three jobs and still not being able to pay the bills, Lucy is forced to drop out of school and work at an old diner for passing by truckers.
Denouement: Flash forward 25 years and Lucy is still working at the diner. She is only 41 but she looks almost 60. Still stuck in the trailer she takes care of her mother dieing of cancer and her 4 cats who are her only friends. Looking out the window, Lucy see's a young girl that looked like she used to. Thinking back to her life before "the incident" she would have never believed how her life would end up.
It's really a nice story. I like it because many families go through these thing everyday.
ReplyDeleteGood jub.
Saba
Devon,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Saba on some level. This is a particularly appropriate story in the age of the economic meltdown. I like how you've set up the plot and the ending, though somber, is compelling. My only concern is that this is a story about people to whom bad things happen, but I don't get a sense of what the characters are going to be like as people, or how they are going to react to their circumstances. Right now, they are just victims. This is not necessarily bad. There is a whole history of political literature showing how people are victims of society. But, if your goal is to make the story compelling to the reader, you will want to make sure that these women have identities beyond what happened to them. In fact, I am less interested in the father, and more interested in these women and how they form a life when all the comforts and conveniences are taken away. Right now, the ending seems to be saying that without these things, they are empty and miserable. I don't want to tell you what to do, but perhaps you could consider ending on a slightly more positive note, or making the ending more about the bonds formed through struggle. Just a thought...
nice story devon! i like how it starts out all happy and dreamy, but turns out to be a tragic and realistic story. i also like how she's kidnapped from her sweet 16 party. thats pretty funny
ReplyDeletethis is a good story. This could resemble a lot of people in our world today. Can't wait to read it =D
ReplyDelete